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Melanie Andersen's Website God | Family | Health | Education | Environment |
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Do You Have Repressed Anger? | Are You Ready to Heal? Things You Can Do to Start Feeling Better Emotional Health I strongly believe that everyone should participate in therapy regularly. Why? Well for starters, we go to a medical doctor once a year to make sure nothing is wrong - why don't we do that for our emotional health too? Just like we would hate for some horrible disease of the body to sneak up on us, we should also dread the possibility of emotional dis-ease sneaking up on us. We live in a very stressful world - how are we coping with that stress? In healthy ways or unhealthy ways? Television and movie characters do not count as friends. The breakdown of community and technology that allows us to relate to others from the isolation of our homes (phone, internet) has left many of us feeling isolated and alone. The breakdown of the extended family has made it easy for us to avoid dealing with those dysfunctional relationships. It has also left us with little support and greater feelings of isolation and lack of love in our lives. The dysfunctional nature of our family relationships has also left the majority of us with unresolved anger that creeps into our lives in many unhealthy ways. The multitude of injustice in the world (which the media loves to constantly remind us of) also contributes to unresolved anger. So what do you do? First of all, do your research. There are a lot of therapists out there who are FULL OF ----! I am completely shocked at some stories I've heard from people about advice their therapists have given them.I highly recommend Dr. Nicola Bird and her symbolic immersion therapy. She will do therapy sessions by phone so it doesn't matter where you live. Phone sessions also mean you can continue your therapy even when you are travelling. But of course, it's easier and better to do it in person if you can. It has really changed my life. It is safer to see someone who comes personally recommended by someone you trust, but even then do not follow people's advice blindly. You must judge for yourself whether you feel the therapists advice is right for you and actually leads to health. This does not mean avoid hard work and uncomfortable situations! Therapy is hard work, it takes a long time and addressing your emotional problems can be really uncomfortable (it requires truthfulness and humility, allowing ourselves to expose our vulnerability to ourselves, learning to love ourselves - things that we have avoided doing most of our lives and we may not be ready to do). One thing that was hard for me to understand in therapy was the idea that the things I was using to "protect" myself from getting hurt emotionally or from feeling bad were actually very destructive towards myself and others. Are you controlling or do you allow others to control you? Do you avoid commitment? Do you ever eat, spend money or have sex to feel better? Is it really making you feel better or is it a temporary bandaid on the real issue you're avoiding? How do these behaviours hurt you or other people? Read a lot of self-help books, but always with a grain of salt. Don't believe everything you read. Think about it carefully and judge for yourself. I highly recommend the book: From Anger to Forgiveness by Earnie Larsen. The most important thing to remember is that no one can do it for you. A therapist can not "fix" you - neither can self-help books. They are tools and guides but it is up to you to make the changes in your patterns of thinking, reacting, and feeling about things. It is very hard work. The amount of time it took to create unhealthy emotional patterns is probably close to the amount of time it's going to take to undo them. A lot of people "think" they're ready to change and/or heal but there is a part of them that is clinging to the unhealthy behaviours and thought patters which they think is helping to protect them. It is not easy to be truthful with ourselves. And last but not least, take care of your physical health because it is impossible to be emotionally healthy if your physical health is out of balance. In 2002, my husband and I discovered that the day after I eat popcorn with a movie at night, I become very irritable and impatient. It is important to understand that allergic reactions can manifest themselves in the form of unhealthy emotions or a lack of control over our emotions. Premenstrual crankiness is another example of poor physical health effecting our emotions. It is not possible for us to regain control of our emotions without making serious changes to our physical health. Not only has avoiding food allergies (for me: chocolate, dairy, corn, sugar, and MSG are biggies) helped me regain control of my emotions, but exercise as well. Everyone knows this already. But you actually have to do something about it - all the time. Go to the gym or do yoga at least three times a week. Go for a walk or a run outside (I find this especially effective because I think being in touch with nature and breathing in fresh air also contribute to emotional health). There is no excuse! I do a 20 minute yoga workout after I put my kids to bed. Sometimes I whine about it and say to my husband "I'm too tired. I need to go to bed." He lovingly reminds me that taking 20 minutes to do yoga will result in a much more effective and restful sleep which will more than make up for the loss of 20 minutes of sleep. Don't just think about it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
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