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Ocean's Homebirth Story

Ocean's story begins two and a half years earlier. For about two years, Mishkin and I had been undecided about whether we would have another child (our fourth). But eventually it became clear to me that I just was not finished. I still really wanted to experience pregnancy, birth (yes... birth) and nursing again.

In February 2008, after we thought I was pregnant and the test came back negative - we realized there were still a few loose ends we needed to wrap up before we were ready to do this. One of which was to pray together to find out if our desire to have another child was in line with the Will of God. When we said prayers together, I very clearly heard "two years". It was that voice in my head, but it was very loud and clear "two years". Two years!?! That's a long time! I'm not sure I can wait that long? (like I can alter God's Will, right?).

I was hoping God would change His mind along the way. So we put aside the contraception and I started to pay more attention to my cycles. Month after month, no pregnancy. Sometimes I would worry that I could no longer get pregnant. My last gynaecologist appointment included an ultrasound and diagnosed me with polycystic ovaries and I was told it would be very hard for me to get pregnant and also increased chances of miscarriages. (But every gynaecologist I've seen since before I was married has told me it would be almost impossible for me to become pregnant - I guess God had different plans for my life than the physical reality of my body would suggest). A year and a half of no conception was a bit of an emotional roller coaster ride. We continued to ask ourselves if we really did want another (the answer always was eventually - yes!), I thanked God for this opportunity to feel what it is like for others who have fertility problems and sympathize with the emotional roller coaster. But it was easier for me because I already had three children to be so thankful for and I also had the hope of that "two years" message I had received during prayers.

May 2009 was going to be 9 months before the "two years" mark of February 2010. Now did the answer to our prayers mean we would have a baby in two years, conceive a baby in two years, or know more clearly the answer to our question in two years? My birthday is on May 30. It was also when my period was due to arrive. The day before, we visited my in-laws new home and as I was walking down the stairs, I slipped, became momentarily airborne, and then landed right on my tailbone. Owww!! It hurt. I did some stretches. I noticed that my womb had become very achy and was more noticeable than my sore tailbone. Did this mean my period was imminent? Or could it mean I'm pregnant (what are the odds that my menstrual cramps would start right when I fell?).

Over the past year I had been going to a therapy called Matrix Repatterning. The theory behind it is that when we fall the energy from the impact gets absorbed into the densest part of our body close to the area of impact (usually an organ, sometimes a bone). This area will become slightly enlarged from absorbing this energy and unable to release it. A lifetime of injuries eventually leads to chronic aches and pains. Matrix releases that stored energy and helps those organs return to normal size and functioning. So after my fall, I went for a Matrix treatment. I explained to the woman that I hit my tailbone (which was now badly bruised and dark purple) but that most of my aches were in my womb -so I know that that's where the energy from the fall went. But I didn't know if it was because I was about to have my period and it's full of blood or if it was because I was pregnant. After treating me, she said to me "I'm pretty sure you're pregnant." Ohhh!!! I was so surprised. Full of ecstasy and excitement but also a little bit of doubt. After a year and a half of failed attempts and negative results I had started to lose hope. I didn't even tell Mishkin that I was getting a pregnancy test. But there it was! Really pregnant.

Six months pregnant with Ocean.
October 12, 2009

So! This baby was going to be born exactly "two years" from when we had prayed about it. I guess I couldn't change God's Will and here it was unfolding in it's own good time. Having to wait those two years made the pregnancy so much more sweeter. I savoured every moment of the pregnancy. In fact, in the last month, I had to work on detaching myself from that beautiful pregnancy and focusing on the joy of a new child. I decided during the pregnancy that I would try to give this baby a lower birth weight (all of my previous babies were over 8 lbs.). I was aiming for a 7lb. baby. I decided to try to avoid non-organic animal products that would have growth hormones in it. I also decided to be more conscious of eating only if I was hungry and to try to eat healthy. I ate lots of grapefruit and pineapple. During the pregnancy, I only gained 25 lbs. I still felt very comfortable, even during the last month. I didn't get any new stretch marks. I'm so glad I didn't put on lots of weight.

Finally! Melanie's getting to the part about birthing!
During the pregnancy, I drank raspberry leaf tea from my garden. And (like with Verity) I started having contractions from about the fourth month. But this time, I was very relaxed about it. Sometimes I would have contractions less than 10 minutes apart but they never lasted more than a couple of hours and didn't hurt much. A couple of times I got really painful contractions that would wake me up from sleep and worry me a little, but again they would disappear in a couple of hours. Mishkin was really worried about the labour for some reason whereas he hadn't been with any of the others. So this feeling worried me as well. Because this was my fourth pregnancy, I decided to have more fun with the labour (yes... fun!). I decided I would try to be more active during labour - walking around, dancing, maybe even kissing. I wasn't worried about handling the labour pains at all. I only worried about the cord being around the neck too tight and the baby being unable to descend because of it resulting in a C-section. But whenever I had this fear, I would immediately return to trust in God and it would calm me down. What needs to happen is what will happen and it is all for the best - it is the path I must walk.

Two days before my due date, I got a really bad stomach flu. Verity had had it for 3 days. Now I was vomiting and having diarrhea. I called the midwife to let her know what was going on. She said that vomitting, diarrhea, and dehydration can all trigger labour. I was worried. Would I have the strength to go through labour sick like this? All day, I sipped Gatorade a few drops at a time. I stopped throwing up and I managed to drink more than a litre of Gatorade. That evening I had bright red bleeding. Again, I began to worry. I called the midwife. She said it was no problem - probably just my cervix softening and dilating and I would go into labour soon. My pregnancy book said that bleeding like that could be the placenta detaching from the wall of the uterus - but luckily it was almost never fatal for the mother or baby. So I stayed in bed, trusted in God's Will, sipped my Gatorade.

February 8, 2010: The bleeding stopped in the morning. I started to feel better and ate canned peaches and some homemade chicken soup. I had a couple of contractions every hour throughout the day but this did not concern me because they were not painful and I had had similar contractions for the past month. But I felt sure that at dinner time these contractions would increase in frequency and intensity. The day was sunny. The whole family just lazily hung around. I felt so happy and peaceful. We were all just resting, healing from the stomach flu with simple foods, waiting for our new baby to arrive soon.

At dinner time, sure enough! Those contractions started to get going. I was happy and excited. I had gotten food into me during the day and felt rested. I was prepared to stay up the whole night labouring. Every time I would get a contraction, I would get up and dance a bit (sway my hips). I would walk up and down the hall and stairs to keep them coming strong. They quickly increased in frequency and intensity. I decided to try laughing with the contractions. I was having fun. I remember that the neighbours kids came over to play and my son mentioned that I was in labour and about to have the baby and they were so surprised. Between contractions I would return to the dinner table and after dinner I would do some tidying and laundry folding. I could feel the radiating pain around my lower back. This was definitely the real thing. At nine o'clock, Mishkin began to put the kids to bed. My contractions were 4 minutes apart and intense enough that I had to moan through them and laugh through them (vocalize). I had exactly 4 minutes to brush my teeth before the next contraction came on and I would really have to concentrate (that was a bit tricky to do). I asked Mishkin if I should call the midwife. She had told me to call her if they were less than five minutes apart and not going away. But I was managing the labour just fine and not wanting someone to come and disturb my relaxed atmosphere. I decided to call her and get her to check how far along I was. While waiting for her to arrive, I sat on my bed and tried to really relax, let go and open up and they started coming on crazy intense. I now needed Mishkin's help through every contraction. At 9:30pm the midwife checked me and I was 8cm (almost 9cm). I was ready to go! We just needed to get the secondary midwife, break my water and the baby would be here!

We don't have a number sign on our property. I had carefully explained to my midwife how to find my house with landmarks and she came for a home visit a couple of weeks before my due date. But when she called the secondary midwife, she just gave the address and she got lost. It took an extra 20 minutes for her to find our house. By then I was fully dilated and in transition and occasionally feeling the urge to push. That 20 minutes seemed a whole lot longer to me and was very frustrating to a woman in transition. But my contractions stayed 4 minutes apart. So I had plenty of rest between contractions in which we would chat and joke and I would rest a little. I laughed through every contraction from 9pm until the birth. It made the contractions significantly less painful but they were still extremely INTENSE. By the time my first midwife arrived at 9:30pm I was scared to not laugh during each contraction and feel the pain. I wanted to get in the tub but the midwife wanted me to stay in the bed. We were now trying to slow the birthing process down because we didn't want the baby to be born before the second midwife arrived. This dramatically changed the way I felt labouring. Prior to this I was unafraid and handling everything really well - bring it on! But once the midwife told me to try to hold it back and slow it down to wait for the other midwife, I was no longer having fun and it didn't feel the same. I now wish I had ignored her and just flowed with what my body was doing.

Haifa was filming the last hour of labour and then the birth. We had talked about everything beforehand and between contractions we would ask her how she was doing. During my last two homebirths, once the water was broken, the baby just flew out of me and I didn't need to push. With Ocean, I did need to push. It was a great feeling. I started to scream really loud though. I later realized that when I was having contractions I was letting the intensity pass through me by vocalizing. Now, during the pushing stage the intensity was even stronger so my moaning or laughing had risen into very loud screaming but it was just me letting the intensity pass through me. The midwife told me to hold my breath and push and to not scream. I immediately did as she said and instead of letting the intensity pass through me, I was redirecting it into pushing the baby out and it worked beautifully.

Because of my previous homebirths and reading Ina May's Guide to childbirth, I had complete confidence in my body's ability to birth and stretch. I opened my legs as much as I could and just thought "relax and open wide" and then I pushed as hard as I could and she came out so easily and nicely without barely a tear. Ocean did have the cord around her neck very tight. In fact, the midwife couldn't get it off around her head, so she loosened it and let her body birth through the loop of cord down past her feet instead of over her head.

Ocean nursing 30 minutes after being born.
February 9, 2010. 12:08am

Ocean was born at 11:37pm weighing 7lbs. 11oz. I got my 7lb baby! (Despite all the homemade cookies and hot chocolate with whipping cream I had in the last month).

Justice and Verity were not in the room when Ocean was born, but they could hear it all. They came to meet their new baby sister a few minutes after she was born.

Mishkin could not believe how fast and easy the birth was. We were both prepared to be up all night labouring. We were asleep by 2:30am with a healthy, sweet little girl snuggled between us.

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